Saturday, November 22, 2008

I Thank God for being God

It's a good thing that God is real because I don't know what I'm doing. My life feels like it's in shambles. Every time I follow my evil monkey and I say or do what I want to do I reap serious failure.

Last night I verbally lashed out at my wife in an effort to intentionally cause her pain. Unfortunately I was successful. I pulled out every evil thought I had and lobbed them at her like grenades. All because of my own hurt feelings. I was angry and hurt and completely out of control. I wanted her to feel like I feel. I hate myself for giving voice to my pain. It was not fair to her or our kids and it will not help me heal at all.

The crazy thing is I don't really recall what I said. At least not most of it. Some of it is starting to come back to me but most of it is a blur. I felt like I was possessed and just spewing venom. Almost like I was watching myself in a movie scene. I guess it doesn't really matter what state I was in, all that matters is that evil poured out of my mouth and seriously hurt my wife. For that I am terribly sorry.

One of the things I have been studying this week is how the devil will use your own guilt to keep you stagnant and you will miss out on your blessings. I'm struggling with this right now. I feel so guilty for having hurt her after she has worked so hard to make amends and be a good wife and partner. She has no idea how much the pain I caused her hurts me. The thought of losing her makes me feel sick to my stomach. We have gone through to much not to make it to the top together as husband and wife. I know the devils goal is to break us up and stop of from reaching Gods promise. Every time we get a prayer answered one of us, mostly me, acts like an ass. When I should be giving God all of the glory I am instead whining about what I lost and how much it hurts to be me.

That being said I truly thank God for simply being God. He has more than proven himself to me. Every time I create a situation of failure he corrects it. Every time I pray for help he provides it. So many things in my life that were dead or dying have been made new and whole. I can't tell you how amazing that is for me to witness.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


Recently, I spoke to a good friend of mine who was facing a personal crisis and of course being the renewed Christian man that I am I suggested that he pray to God for help. My friend is also a God fearing Christian man and he let me know that he had already beseeched his heavenly father for guidance. Knowing that he had prayed I quickly asked why he still looked so worried. He replied that he was worried because his problem was real. My first thought was that God is real.

God is real. I said it. I believe it. Don't get me wrong, at times I have also been guilty of thinking that my personal storm was more real than God. I, like my friend, was wrong. I'm learning that although our circumstances are real, as Christians we have the power through faith and trust in God to alter what is real for us. It's not easy letting go of what we comprehend with our natural senses but it is the only way we can truly trust in God.

Hebrews 11:1 - Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
Proverbs 3:5 - Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

If you believe in God, believe his word.

Monday, November 3, 2008


By J. Scott Campbell

This song always makes me smile

From the ashes of my life

If you've read my previous post you can see that ya boy Serious has been in a bit of trouble as of late. I've been spending far to much time fighting the demons of the past and not enough time dealing with my current reality or reaching for my future. It's amazing how old shit can so easily make you forget what you are doing and where you are headed, if you let it.

I say if you let it because I am learning, the hard way, that being upset or hurt about the past really is a choice. You don't have to let past hurts, mistakes, choices, events, or whatever affect you if you don't want them to. Unfortunately, I have too often chosen to let the painful memories of my recent past send me into vodka induced pity parties. I find it interesting how quickly and deeply one can fall into negative behaviors like alcoholism, drug abuse, or similar vices. It just proves to me how dangerous such behaviors truly are. They require so little effort, have such small rewards and are capable of producing such negative results.

That said, I'm choosing to refocus my efforts and move past the past into the now and on toward the future. Soon you all will be looking at my firm perfectly shaped black ass* passing you by on my way to victory!

* Special note - The writer of this blog does not in reality have a firm perfectly shaped ass nor does he care that he does not. Furthermore it is not all that black. In fact it is really high yellow. I know T.M.I.